For Los Angeles-based indie rock artist brookelen, darkness isn’t something to run from. It is something to look directly at.
Her upcoming third EP, dark side of the sun, due October 23 via Soliloquy Records, is built around that exact contradiction. The title represents everything that can exist underneath something seemingly bright: insecurity, shame, trauma, doubt, grief, sexuality, religious trauma and the parts of ourselves we might spend years trying to conceal. The six-track project features “omen,” “enemy,” “undo,” “hide,” “shadow,” and “skeptic,” and was recorded live, preserving the rawness and imperfections of the performances.
But beneath the mythology, demons, angels, Icarus imagery and heavier rock textures is something much more human: a person learning how to stop hiding.
In our conversation, brookelen opened up about sobriety, perfectionism, family, queerness, spirituality, career expectations, the pressure to succeed in music, and what it means to finally choose yourself even when that choice doesn’t look practical to everyone around you.
Looking Beneath the Brightness
“dark side of the sun” is essentially about everything that exists beneath the surface of something bright. What is the darkest part of yourself that you had to finally stop hiding in order to make this record?
“I think when you kind of take a look at something bright, maybe my drive to make music and the energy and the thrill from that looking at the underside of where a lot of my insecurities maybe come from by being more public-facing and putting my work out there.”
That vulnerability is one of the defining characteristics of dark side of the sun.
For brookelen, creating music has always been connected to both excitement and exposure. The same thing that gives her energy; the desire to create, perform and share her work also forces her to confront the insecurities that come with allowing other people to see that work. She says the project continues the exploration of her sobriety journey, something she has written about previously.
“I stopped drinking about three years ago,” she explains, “and a lot of this record is kind of reckoning with my life in sober mode.”
Rather than presenting sobriety as a neat before-and-after story, brookelen approaches it as an ongoing process of understanding herself. That vulnerability appears throughout the EP, particularly in songs such as “enemy,” which confronts the experience of feeling like your own worst enemy.
“I think a lot of people can relate to feeling like their own worst enemy,” she says. “But just being able to say that, and by naming these things and by naming these darker parts, like releasing them also in tandem with that.”
That idea of naming something becomes one of the most important themes in our conversation. For brookelen, darkness doesn’t necessarily become less real simply because you acknowledge it. But once you stop hiding from it, you can finally begin deciding what to do with it.
Healing Isn’t Becoming Someone New
You say healing isn’t becoming someone new. It’s allowing yourself to be fully seen. What were you trying to become before you realized you actually needed to reveal who you already were?
“I think that especially; I consider this very much like a California record and I grew up a military brat, kind of hopping about and maybe being able to hide parts of myself by not fully putting my music out there and just kind of resigning myself to not putting out my music or pursuing it.”
That history of moving and adapting gave brookelen an ability to exist in different environments, but it also meant she became accustomed to keeping parts of herself tucked away. Music was always there, but pursuing it seriously wasn’t necessarily encouraged. She eventually found herself trying to create a more conventional version of stability for herself.
“I lost my nine-to-five job about a year and a half ago,” she says. “And since then, I’ve just done anything I can to kind of pick up shifts and random jobs to make the music work.”
That instability became one of the uncomfortable realities she had to confront. But it also became liberating.
“I think the biggest realization is that as individuals that make art and that are creative, that your truest expression and what comes from you is right.”
That realization changed how she approached dark side of the sun. Instead of holding herself back, she decided to put everything into the project.
“I recorded this live and raw with my band,” she explains, “and have just been building a visual world, and just going on tour for the first time in November.”
The EP therefore represents more than another collection of songs. It represents brookelen allowing herself to participate fully in her own artistic life. She describes the process as her “coming into my own for the first time in what feels like ever.”
Choosing the Unstable Life
There is an interesting tension running through brookelen’s story: society often tells creative people that stability should be the goal, yet the stable life isn’t necessarily the life that makes them feel alive. brookelen grew up hearing that being a musician was unrealistic.
“I was raised by a family that was like, ‘You need being a musician is unrealistic and not a practical role for you,’” she says.
For years, she believed it. Eventually, however, she realized that having more financial security wasn’t automatically worth sacrificing something that gave her meaning.
“When I saw that I was going to be unhappy and maybe have a little bit more money or stability, I started choosing myself.”
That choice has brought its own challenges.
“There’s a lot of those feelings of confronting and being okay with having less and being okay with having less security,” she explains.
But she also sees that uncertainty as part of becoming independent.
“I think a lot of it is like an independence as well, and coming into my own.”
The music industry itself has reinforced that lesson. brookelen previously worked as a day-to-day manager, and although the job appeared to be a logical career opportunity, she found herself becoming deeply emotionally invested in the artists she represented.
“I was so emotionally involved and wrapped up in the artists’ lives that I was working with,” she says. “Partially because I am an artist myself.”
The business-oriented nature of the job began conflicting with how she viewed music.
“When you’re working with an artist and they’re like, ‘They’re not making money, so we don’t care about their art,’ that felt like demoralizing and dehumanizing in a way of my artistic self.”
Eventually, she realized the position simply wasn’t aligned with who she was.
“When I lost that job, I felt so much release in myself.”
Religious Trauma, Spirituality and Reclaiming the Symbols
You’re bringing together religious trauma, sexuality, queerness, mythology, Genesis, angels, demons and Icarus. Are you reclaiming these symbols, challenging them, or admitting that they still have some power over you?
“I think one thing I’m trying to do with this record is kind of break down some of my negative connotations with religion, or being able to play it in a way.”
Raised in a Southern Baptist family, brookelen grew up surrounded by religious imagery and teachings that eventually became complicated parts of her identity. But dark side of the sun isn’t simply an attack on religion. Instead, she is taking familiar symbols and placing them into a new personal context.
“This record for me, while having darker undertones, is meant to be like a reckoning and healing.”
That becomes particularly apparent in “hide,” which brookelen describes as an exorcism song. The song was written as a way of bringing painful things out into the open rather than allowing them to remain hidden.
“‘Hide’ is straight up just a metaphor for an exorcism,” she explains. “Like bringing something out of you that isn’t serving your soul or isn’t serving you anymore.”
The concept of demons therefore becomes less about traditional good-versus-evil storytelling and more about internal struggle.
“I don’t identify with a particular religion,” she says. “I do consider myself spiritual in believing in a higher power.”
Her relationship with mythology works similarly. She has always been fascinated by Greek mythology, and the story of Icarus became particularly relevant to the EP. For brookelen, Icarus represents balance.
“If you reach too high into the sky, you’ll burn from being too close to the sun. And if you go too close down to the water, you get swallowed in.”
The story becomes a metaphor for finding equilibrium between extremes.
“That spirituality, spiritually, that’s the yin and yang of life the dark and the lightness, finding that balance.”
When Family Doesn’t Understand the Art
That exploration becomes particularly complicated when your art is directly confronting the belief system you grew up around. brookelen’s relationship with her family has changed throughout this process. She says her father was one of the more intensely religious people in her life, but they no longer have a relationship. With her mother and grandmother, however, the situation is different.
“I think they are; it’s interesting to watch things that I feel that they would have been so shocked and punishing towards, or my assumption that they’re going to act like that, to just be like, ‘Oh, I don’t really get it, but I love you.’”
That distinction is important to her. Her family doesn’t necessarily need to understand every aspect of her art for her to feel loved.
“I think one thing that’s exciting is being able to engage with someone who does view things differently than you, and to have a conversation.”
The EP gives brookelen an opportunity to explore those differences without necessarily demanding that everyone arrive at the same conclusion.
“I’m not necessarily condemning your religious choices. I’m more just kind of looking at them in a different lens and exploring them.”
Grieving the Person You Were Supposed to Be
There can be a strange grief in realizing that the version of yourself you were taught to love wasn’t actually allowed to exist. Did you have to grieve a version of yourself before you could become yourself?
“Yeah. Yes.”
For brookelen, that grief is connected to being the oldest child and feeling responsible for holding things together after her parents separated.
“I kind of took this weight when my parents split up when I was young, of like, ‘I have to hold everything together,’” she explains.
That responsibility contributed to a perfectionist mindset that followed her into adulthood. It also followed her into music.
“I’ve had to work through [that] to be able to even put music out for a long time.”
But making dark side of the sun forced her to reconsider the idea that everything has to be perfect before it can be shared.
“A song will also never be finished. You just decide when it’s done.”
That philosophy applies beyond music. You could continue rewriting an article forever. You could take thousands of photographs and still wonder if there was another shot you should have captured. Eventually, you have to decide that the work is finished. For brookelen, recording the EP live became an exercise in accepting that.
“Making a live EP was very humbling, but also growth-inducing,” she says. “It’s not perfect; it’s a time capsule of a moment that I did with my band.”
That imperfection is now part of the record’s identity.
“I think I’m very excited to have the full project out because I do think it’s an authentic representation of me.”
The Pressure to Be Everything
brookelen also connects her perfectionism to the cultural expectation that women should be capable of doing everything. She describes it as a kind of “girl boss” infrastructure that tells women they can accomplish everything if they simply work hard enough. But that mindset can become another form of pressure.
“You’re expected to be all of these roles,” she says.
One of the things she’s still learning is that her value doesn’t come exclusively from what she produces.
“I’m still working on this idea that my value doesn’t come from just my output.”
That’s particularly difficult during a release cycle, when artists can easily start measuring their worth through reactions.
“How is this being received? Do people like it?”
But she is trying to remember why she created the project in the first place.
“The whole point of it is for it to be there, regardless of the reception.”
Following the Signs
You describe “omen” as a song about following prophetic signs toward self-actualization, independence and embracing queerness. Looking back, what was the first sign you ignored that you now realize was trying to tell you something important?
“I think when I first came out to Los Angeles, and I’d always been making music, but I felt this need, like I said, to have a nine-to-five, like a stable job.”
Her experience in artist management became one of those signs. The job looked right on paper. But emotionally, it wasn’t right for her.
“I think that how heavy I felt connected to them and how hard it was to hear these very business-oriented ways of, ‘They’re not making money, so we don’t care about their art,’” she says.
Eventually, she had to acknowledge that the career she thought she was supposed to pursue wasn’t actually aligned with her.
“I kind of just ignored those signs for the idea of like a salary job.”
Now, she trusts those feelings more.
“When you know your path and alignment, it’s easier to say no to opportunities that don’t fit.”
Success Doesn’t Automatically Mean Happiness
brookelen’s perspective on success has also changed by watching other artists around her. Living in Los Angeles has given her a close look at artists who have achieved milestones she may eventually want for herself larger projects, touring, bigger audiences and full-time music careers. But she has also witnessed the other side.
“If their inner world and if they’re not happy internally, all of that success doesn’t mean anything.”
That realization has helped her stop obsessing over where she “should” be.
“As a smaller artist or someone who feels like I haven’t even put out my debut album yet this is my third EP to be like, all I have to focus on right now is my relationship with myself, my community, the people I love, and the music.”
She doesn’t want to rush the process.
“I don’t have to fret so much about, ‘Will I make it to this? Will I get this? Will I be able to do this full time in a year?’”
Instead, she keeps returning to a much simpler question:
Am I happy?
“I go to therapy. I go to yoga. I work. I’m here working on my music, and for that to be enough, because ultimately that’s what it has to be—enough.”
The Problem With Chasing Virality
That philosophy becomes particularly relevant in today’s music industry, where artists are constantly encouraged to chase algorithms, streams and viral moments. brookelen has seen firsthand how quickly success can become another source of pressure.
“Virality is not like a solution,” she says. “It often comes with a lot of pain.”
She recently spoke with a friend whose early song went viral, and the experience illustrated the problem.
“She had one of her first songs go really viral,” brookelen explains. “And she’s in a very similar position that I am in right now. Neither of us have managers, neither of us have a touring agent.”
Suddenly, the success itself created expectations.
“People in music just are like, ‘Oh, can you replicate that? Where’s this?’”
The problem?
“She’s like, ‘I did that when I was 16. What do you mean? I’m 25 now.’”
For brookelen, that is exactly why artists need room to grow instead of being trapped by whatever version of themselves happened to perform well at one particular moment.
Shining a Light on the Demons
You say demons don’t like light. What happens when you shine a light on something you spent years avoiding? Does it actually become less frightening, or does seeing it clearly make it harder to excuse?
“I think I have found so much peace from being able to name the darker stuff.”
For her, saying I struggle with addiction doesn’t have to be a declaration of shame. It can simply be an acknowledgment of reality.
“I’m not ashamed of this.”
That removal of shame is powerful. But brookelen also recognizes that naming something isn’t the same as fixing it.
“What comes after that is entirely indicative of if it’s a positive thing or if it’s a negative thing.”
She gives the example of acknowledging a personal behavior or insecurity. You can admit something exists. But then comes the harder question:
Are you actually willing to confront it?
“Change is really painful,” she says. “It’s like you’re growing through something, and it’s almost growing out of something.”
That discomfort is part of the healing process. And that same philosophy extends to her sexuality and identity. brookelen openly identifies as queer and says she uses she/they pronouns, but conversations surrounding identity and pronouns within her family aren’t always simple.
“Even talking to my mom about, ‘I would really enjoy if you could use this,’” she explains, can become complicated when the other person doesn’t necessarily understand the language surrounding identity.
Her approach isn’t necessarily to force every conversation. Sometimes, opening the door a little is enough.
“Maybe we don’t engage with it all the time, but making those small strides and efforts to open someone up, I think yeah, sometimes it’s good.”
Choosing Peace Without Hiding Forever
That conversation ultimately led to one of the most complicated questions surrounding the entire EP: When does protecting your peace become hiding yourself? brookelen doesn’t pretend there is an easy answer.
“Each person’s journey is different in reckoning with that.”
She understands that coming out, confronting family or openly discussing identity can carry real consequences. And sometimes, choosing not to have a conversation immediately isn’t weakness. It can be self-preservation.
“I would never judge someone for making that decision to choose peace over trying to talk with someone who is not open to understanding you.”
For her, the most important starting point is being honest with yourself.
“The openness with yourself is like the best start.”
dark side of the sun Is About Finally Being Seen
By the end of our conversation, the title dark side of the sun feels even more appropriate. The project isn’t really about darkness winning over light. It is about recognizing that the two can exist together. brookelen’s sobriety exists alongside her creativity. Her spirituality exists alongside her complicated relationship with religion. Her queerness exists alongside complicated family dynamics.
Her ambition exists alongside her desire for a simple life. Her imperfections exist alongside her desire to make something beautiful. And her uncertainty exists alongside an increasingly clear understanding of who she wants to be.
The EP’s six songs “omen,” “enemy,” “undo,” “hide,” “shadow,” and “skeptic” move through those contradictions while blending indie rock, orchestral arrangements, post-rock textures and folk intimacy.
The project is also arriving during a major period of transition for brookelen. With dark side of the sun marking her third EP and her first release through Soliloquy Records, she is preparing to take the music on the road for the first time in November. And perhaps the most important thing she has learned isn’t how to become more successful. It’s how to stop measuring her worth by success in the first place.
“I think the whole point of it is for it to be there, regardless of the reception,” she says.
That might be the most honest description of dark side of the sun possible. This is not brookelen trying to create a perfect record. It is brookelen allowing herself to be heard.
To be imperfect. To be queer. To question what she was taught. To confront addiction and shame without allowing either to define her. To acknowledge the darkness without believing she has to live inside it. And ultimately, to understand that healing doesn’t require becoming somebody else. It can simply mean having the courage to let people see who you already are.
As brookelen puts it, “healing isn’t becoming someone new; it’s finally allowing yourself to be fully seen.”
CONNECT WITH BROOKELEN:
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